Picture this: Mandates are lifting. Brunch is back on. You’re vaxxed AND waxed. The future is bright. And you’ve just been dumped.
The future you’ve been waiting for has now drastically changed. It’s probably for the best in the end, but it certainly is not the end yet. You are in the trenches of a breakup and transitioning to a life without your partner. It’s hot girl summer and you are grieving your relationship. The season we’ve all been waiting for, now clouded with adjustments, sadness, processing, and coping.
Where to begin?
Back to basics: This is an essential time to check in with yourself. What do you need at this moment? Friends, distractions, a therapy session, more sleep, better nutrition, more masturbation, time for reflection? During times of transition, it is easy to let the basics of self-care fall through the cracks. Be mindful of this happening! Growth and healing can be difficult on an empty stomach and no sleep.
Hold Space: Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Just because the world is opening up around you does not mean you need to speed through processing grief. You are allowed to appreciate the sunshine AND miss your partner. You are allowed to go to brunch with friends AND be honest about how you are feeling. It is valid to feel conflicting emotions. All of these can exist at the same time. They do exist at the same time. All of them are valid.
Notice your motives: Are you drinking to numb sadness? Are you looking for comfort in casual sex? Are you embracing hot girl summer with revenge or with growth? There are many ways to cope with a breakup, and not all are helpful for the long term. When using these activities to cope with sadness or grief, you are taking away your chance to develop coping skills without substances or the adrenaline rush. Coping skills are meant to be practiced – it’s like working out a muscle. When the unhelpful ways of coping are cut out, you are able to access your inner strength and vulnerability to do effective healing work.
Listen to what you need: Rely on your support system and resources. Check in with yourself. Above all, go through this process with kindness towards yourself.