Chocolates, Lingerie, Hashtags, Oh My!

When I was a kid, everyone in class would bring a valentine of their choice to school on Valentine’s Day.  The only rule I can remember was that you had to bring enough for every person in your class.  Mickey Mouse, Disney princesses, Batman, Lion King…just a teeny little square of paper that told your classmates “I love this character, and I love you”.  What a sweet concept!  And yet, I also remember feeling a tad bit anxious about which character I picked…making sure I signed each one…counting correctly…would everyone have one for me…would they like the valentine I chose?  Hey, it’s a lot of pressure when you’re 7!

We can begin to absorb the pressure of holidays from a young age.  And Valentine’s Day is no exception.  In fact, for many folks, the weight of Valentine’s Day is one of the most taxing.  There can be a lot of pressure to create the perfect date night, curate a flawless “Galentines” event, or turn up the heat for a sexy night with your partner.  But how many of us actually feel our sexiest on a cold Tuesday night in February? And let’s not forget the pressure of posting whatever we end up doing for all our followers, be it 25 or 2500. 

But what if we take the pressure off of Valentines’ Day this year?  What if, instead, we took the day or season to practice some self-love in a way that we need? 

 Maybe that’s some much-needed alone time, or dinner with a friend you’ve needed to catch up with lately, or maybe it’s just staying in with your partner.  Consider this when you’re making plans this February…The Non-Instagrammable Valentine’s Day.  Sweat pants. Hot tea. Take out.  And no double-tap validation required.  Sometimes the best way to show love is to take care of yourself or your relationship by listening to what is actually needed, instead of what “should” happen this season.  

If you’re curious what an anti-postable Valentine’s could look like, here are a few ideas for the non-insta worthy holiday you may need this month…

  1. Self-care with a little solo spa time.  Intentional alone time can be restorative.  Maybe you are in need of some R&R with a bit of luxury…try scheduling a spa day or service for yourself.  Is there a meditation class you’ve been wanting to try and finding difficult to schedule? Maybe your Valentine’s self-care is the perfect opportunity to make it happen!  Whether you’re scheduling a mani pedi, a hot yoga class, or just a stay-cation day at home by yourself, go all in.  Meaning, make whatever your chosen solo adventure is a conscious one.  Slow down and listen to your body and your needs so that you can provide space to nurture yourself.
  2. If you are seeking time with your partner, try starting with a discussion about what you are each needing at this moment.  You could also explore what the holiday means for each of you. If quality time is what you’re each seeking, maybe that is as simple as a night in with your favorite board game.  Cozy up together with pajamas, your favorite ice cream, and just be intentional with your time hanging out together at home.  Remember, it may be pricey to fill up on cocktails at your favorite restaurant. A cheap night in can also fill your cup!
  3. Is there a budding romance on your horizon?  A holiday centered around romance and love can feel like a lot of pressure in a developing relationship.  Consider making plans on the weekend before or after this Valentine’s day, and sticking to the natural path you are already on together!  If you sense the other person is more or less into the idea of V-day than you, it’s a great time to practice communication with your potential partner.  Express your feelings about the holiday, and kindly inquire about their perspective.  This can set you up for an honest, lower-pressure situation, and an overall healthier and aligned dynamic moving forward.

However you like to spend Valentine’s Day is A-OK.  I just encourage you to also explore what the holiday means to you and any expectations you may be holding.  Mindfully exploring your desires, hopes, needs, and beliefs will help you curate a fulfilling V-day that lifts you up…influencer approved or not. 

Looking to learn new ways to prioritize your wellness? Feel free to contact me at or call us at 917.476.9381.

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Chamin Ajjan Psychotherapy


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