No metaphors, just facts. Just biology. Just like Francesca asked in the newest season of Bridgerton when she discussed not knowing where, what, and how to find or acquire a “pinnacle” (otherwise known as an orgasm).
What is largely known about women’s bodies is based on research performed only on men, or in the case of studying nerve endings in the clitoris, on cows. Scientists and mass media alike often stated the clitoris contained 8,000 nerve endings; however, in a study performed with human females, scientists found the number to be 10,000!
Much of women’s health still remains unanswered, such as why female orgasms even exist. So, what do we know, and how can this help us have better orgasms? Understanding female biology and the physiological process of orgasms is a vital first step. By learning where nerves are concentrated and which muscles react when we orgasm, we can begin to better understand our own bodies and which places, sensations, and stimulations feel best.
Nerve Endings
The clitoris is largely thought of as the “nub” you can see at the top of your vulva, but that is only one part of it. The clitoris is shaped like a horseshoe, and it extends internally to rest right below the outer labia (the lips) of your vulva. This means stimulation to both the external tip and the vaginal lips can increase pleasure. But how do you stimulate the internal part of the clitoris located behind the labia majora?
There are many ways, and some may feel better than others. To find out what you prefer, try experimenting during masturbation or with a partner. Some people use their fingers to swipe back and forth across the labia, or place two fingers in a “V” shape to hit both sides of the vulva. Others might lay their fingers on top of the outer labia and push down slightly, or cup their hand over the entire vulva. Sex toys can also help stimulate the entire clitoral structure. A wand vibrator normally has a large surface area that provides vibration to the majority of the vulva, while “rabbit” vibrators target the tip of the clitoris as well as the internal structure.
The clitoris isn’t the only spot with an abundance of nerve endings, though. The lower third of the vagina contains a high concentration of nerve endings, more than the rest of the vaginal canal. That is why it may feel particularly good when initially inserting a toy or a penis. Similarly, when a toy or penis teases the vaginal opening, it can stimulate both the lower nerves in the vagina and much of the clitoris. There are also condensed nerve endings in the nipples, anus, and lips. Some people also have heightened sensitivity around their ears, feet, neck, and inner thighs. Try experimenting with a mix of stimulation to different areas of your body to see what feels best for you.
Muscle Movements and Patterns
Your pelvic floor muscles are vital for sexual functioning! They impact arousal, sensation, and orgasm. When a body becomes aroused, the pelvic floor muscles activate, allowing for increased blood flow to the genitals. The more blood flow, the more sensitive you become. As arousal, desire, and excitement build, your deeper pelvic floor muscles begin to activate as well. Then, if you orgasm, the pelvic floor muscles contract rhythmically.
If your pelvic floor muscles are tense, tight, or weak, it may be harder to achieve an orgasm, or the experience may feel painful or unfulfilling. If you are experiencing physical discomfort with orgasm, it may be related to your pelvic floor. In these cases, reaching out to a pelvic floor physical therapist can provide you with resources, tools, and exercises to help.
An Exercise for Better Orgasms
One of the best pieces of sexual health knowledge I’ve encountered is that orgasms aren’t just physical; they happen in your brain. If your mind is wandering, or if you feel stressed, rushed, or tired, your orgasms might be affected. This means it is important to remain present, which is often easier said than done. Additionally, if the primary goal of sex is to “achieve” an orgasm, the pressure you put on yourself could prevent it from happening. Instead, try treating sex as a fun, shared experience; you might find an equal amount of pleasure by shifting your goals from the “result” to the experience.
However, since this article is specifically about improving orgasms, below is an exercise based on Dr. Emily Nagoski’s recommendations in her book, Come As You Are.
The “Edging” Exercise: Try this exercise alone while masturbating first, and then try it with a partner. Set aside 45 minutes to an hour so you do not feel rushed.
Start to stimulate yourself until you reach around 50% arousal.
Stop all stimulation and let your arousal drop to 20%.
Once your body has cooled down, begin again until you reach 60%, then let it drop to 30%.
Work your way up to 70%, then back down to 40%.
Bring your arousal level to 80%, then down to 50%.
Bring it to 90%, then let it drop to 60%.
Bring yourself to 95% arousal and drop to 70%.
Finally, bring yourself to 99% arousal, where you are just about to reach the “pinnacle,” then let it drop to 90%.
Now, bring yourself all the way to orgasm.
You may find your orgasm lasts longer and feels significantly more intense!
There are many factors that affect desire, arousal, and pleasure. One of the best ways to address these factors (whether you have a specific concern or simply want to improve your sex life) is by talking to a sex therapist. At Chamin Ajjan Psychotherapy, our therapists are trained in sex therapy and other evidence-based practices. To find a therapist that fits your needs, click here.
